so, a few months ago, i was contacted by an old friend from school. i had graduated four or five months before they decided to reach out, and i was incredibly surprised when they did. you see, at the time i recieved their note, prom was basically hours away, and they had just worked up the courage to ask me about attending it with him. i noticed a few things were different from the start with this relationship compared to other relationships i had been a part of, and i was a little bit nervous.
a year prior, i "dated" another person who, for the sake of convenience, i'll call charlie. I had reached out to charlie since i had feelings for them for a while now over discord. they had moved to colorado a year earlier and was basically in a pseudo-homeschool system where they just worked on art and their projects. i worked at a chicken place near downtown, and during the summer i made a lot of tips, so our relationship mostly consisted of flirting online and me buying him shit, since he couldn't find work in his town.
needless to say, this was not optimal. charlie would rarely initiate conversation, and the only way we would be able to connect would be through text or phone calls. my friends were able to make it work sometimes, and i still loved him, so i continued being in relationship with him.
loving charlie eventually became more and more difficult and draining over time. i was used to talking people out of suicide and self harm, but it takes a tremendous amount of energy. its not the sort of thing you want to do over and over again. eventually, it came to a head when charlie admitted he wanted to maintain a romantic relationship while also having sex with other people. it took me a while to learn that this was not a normal romantic endeavour.
this relationship had two modes: euphoria and misery. i became used to this insane, intense, incredible love, and these occasional bouts of terrible depression. love should not be this!! it wasnt healthy and it kinda fucked up my view of romance. i still panic a little when i see an unread message from my s/o.
my current relationship isn't even close to being as intense, and i'm consistently enjoying it. of course, the situation is much different: my boyfriend has good friends, a job, goals, and cares about my wellbeing. he's also leaving for college this fall. the stakes could not be lower, its wonderful.
a greater intensity of love does not make love sweeter,, despite what one would think. an intense romance such as the one that I experienced was just fun